Dodger Dogs threatened: Animal-rights activists have called for an end to Dodger Dog sales due to what they are calling harsh treatment of whatever animals’ entrails are used in the making of the “dogs.” “We’re really not sure what those animals are, but we have a problem with the fact they are treated inhumanely and slaughtered before they’re cooked,” said activist D. Fend Canine. “But it’s really the only way we can do it,” said an anonymous vendor. “Otherwise they keep jumping out of the buns.” We’ve just got to try harder: Los Angeles is listed fourth in the country for incidents of road rage. “It’s not that we aren’t as angry as other cities,” said traffic expert Crash Daily. “We’re just too busy paying attention to traffic reports and the Phil Spector trial to know which idiot just cut us off.” So that’s why so many candidates: The builder of the largest theater and stadium stages in the world has admitted that it is behind the burgeoning volume of candidates running for president. “The real reason that more candidates are waiting in the wings to announce is because they can’t fit on the already crowded stages,” said an executive for Mushrooming Stages Inc. “With over 20 aspirants announced as nominees and plenty more waiting in the wings, there’s a need for larger stages for the presidential debates. When we figured that we started sending donations to any candidate with two legs … though if a one-legged candidate wants to run, we’ll send them money, too.” Hizzoner not finished yet: Officials in Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa’s office say that the election of Tamar Galatzan and Richard Vladovic was only the first step in forming a school board in Villaraigosa’s likeness. “We still have a lot of work to do,” said the mayor’s chief educational aide, Ray Cortines. “As soon as the final votes are in, Tamar and Richard will be undergoing plastic surgery, and other than height, we’re talking Antonio-identical.” Now it’s not worth even more: This past Monday, the U.S. Postal Service added another 2 cents to its postage, making a first-class stamp cost 41 cents. Despite the increase, most postal workers will continue not to make eye contact with you. Maybe they’ll believe him: Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, fending off a lot of heat from Congress for lying about the firings of federal prosecutors, is considering stepping down. “Not because of any wrongdoing,” said the president’s lawyer and friend, “but so I can spend more time not answering questions from my family.” Did it include the undercoating? Chrysler Corp. was sold this past week to Cerberus Capital Management, a private equity firm, for more than $7 billion. Despite the sale, Chrysler officials said they “were losing money on the deal” and were only doing it for $7 billion “because we like Cerberus.” Fired!!!! Finally – Donald Trump’s “The Apprentice” was not picked up on NBC’s Fall Schedule, but all is not lost for The Donald. “I’ve just signed a three-year deal with the network for my hair,” said Trump. “It’s less costly than me and not near as obnoxious.” “We would have backed Lauritzen,” added an anonymous staffer. “But he refused to let go of the beard.” Soul4Sale: In what is fast becoming a booming promotional venture, television and film studio publicity departments are focusing on a Web-oriented strategy of getting bloggers to write positive news and reviews of their shows and films. “Bloggers and sites that might be willing to massage their views into something that spark their readers to check out our shows are getting easier and easier to find,” said advertising executive Bert Sales. “The bloggers haven’t been subtle about their availability.” Sites like WillWriteBlogForFood.com, ThinkJimBelishiIsFunny.net, and WouldlovetomeetPamAnderson.org have already been set up. “What works for selling programming and films,” said political consultant Frank Lunch, “works great for politics, too.” Domain names like WillVoteTwice.com, McCainIsntThatOld.net, HillaryIsHot.com and MostMoneyGetsOurVote.com have already been reserved by bloggers who, some longtime political experts say, may have set them up for purely political reasons. Steve Young blogs at greatfailure.com, a completely nonpartisan site now accepting trips, hotel rooms and gifts from your studio, campaign or sales division.160Want local news?Sign up for the Localist and stay informed Something went wrong. Please try again.subscribeCongratulations! You’re all set!